iHate That Back To the Future Was Wrong

Where are the hover boards?   I've been patiently waiting for a hover board since I was 9 (actually, I was hoping they would come out 5 years ago so that the first model would by now be obsolete and I could buy it on craigslist for $10 OBO).

Mr. Spielberg, don't go predicting the future if you can't pay up on your promises.

HOVER BOARD NOW!

iHate No More Color By Numbers

Why isn't coloring by numbers a thing anymore?  I loved the rebellious feeling it gave me when I mixed up the corresponding number colors ON PURPOSE.  When it told me to color both shoes brown, I did one brown and one yellow.  That's right. Fucking yellow...just cause I felt like it. 

Kids don't get this experience anymore.  Now it's all button pushing and brain frying.

Shame.

iHate Shaving Cream

Because it looks like marshmallow fluff.  I'm not saying I've eaten it, but I'm also not saying I haven't.

iHate Guys That Don't Know the Difference Between a Skirt and a Dress and the Girls That Get Pissed At Them For It

Guys:  Waist down=skirt.  Shoulder down=dress.  Easy.
Girls:   Shut the fuck up.  At least he pees in (or near) the toilet.

iHate Rollie Pollies

Ok so you touch this guy and he turns into an indestructible ball.  I feel like on the first day of the world, all the bugs discussed what super powers they wanted (wtf was the stinkbug thinking, really?) and the rollie pollie totally blew it out of the water.  I guess iHate him for being so damn clever.  Too damn clever rollie.  Oh wait..stick bugs...and those things that look like leaves.  Ok fuck em all.

iHate Clean Fakers

When you go over someone's place a few times and it's really organized and clean, all the man mags are stacked in chronological order and the sneaks lined up by color/release date.  Then, on some off day, you stop by because you forgot your whatever it was on their dresser and discover that shits gotten all explosive. Mac and cheese in a cup under the bed, clothes piled high on what he called his "reading" chair, dust bunny colonies building Egyptian pyramids near the door.  Why all the foolery?  It's all good.  Have you seen my room?  No need to pretend.  I'll make you a deal, stop faking clean and I'll stop faking....clean.

iHate Jellyfish

Who decided that a floating, poisonous, plastic bag would make a good fish?