iHate Shaving Cream

Because it looks like marshmallow fluff.  I'm not saying I've eaten it, but I'm also not saying I haven't.

iHate Guys That Don't Know the Difference Between a Skirt and a Dress and the Girls That Get Pissed At Them For It

Guys:  Waist down=skirt.  Shoulder down=dress.  Easy.
Girls:   Shut the fuck up.  At least he pees in (or near) the toilet.

iHate Rollie Pollies

Ok so you touch this guy and he turns into an indestructible ball.  I feel like on the first day of the world, all the bugs discussed what super powers they wanted (wtf was the stinkbug thinking, really?) and the rollie pollie totally blew it out of the water.  I guess iHate him for being so damn clever.  Too damn clever rollie.  Oh wait..stick bugs...and those things that look like leaves.  Ok fuck em all.

iHate Clean Fakers

When you go over someone's place a few times and it's really organized and clean, all the man mags are stacked in chronological order and the sneaks lined up by color/release date.  Then, on some off day, you stop by because you forgot your whatever it was on their dresser and discover that shits gotten all explosive. Mac and cheese in a cup under the bed, clothes piled high on what he called his "reading" chair, dust bunny colonies building Egyptian pyramids near the door.  Why all the foolery?  It's all good.  Have you seen my room?  No need to pretend.  I'll make you a deal, stop faking clean and I'll stop faking....clean.

iHate Jellyfish

Who decided that a floating, poisonous, plastic bag would make a good fish?

iHate Froot Loops

Which part is actually fruit?  or does the fact that it's "froot" indicate there is no actual fruit in the product?  Either way, it's shitty to imply some sort of produce is in these awful bites of sugar fat.  That's like selling me a dog with a saddle and calling it a "hoarse". Suck my D, Toucan Sam.  Might as well be Toot Loops.

iHate Oxford Commas

Who gives a f*ck about an oxford comma?

Boring explanation: A string of words separated by commas where the second to last word in the list is followed by a comma before the word "and" or "or" i.e I found a suitcase full of buttplugs, dildos, and Cheese Whiz.  You see that comma?  Well people in my field of work argue about whether or not it's necessary.  The Brits hate it, journalists adore it, etc.  Basically, WHO THE FUCK CARES??  The Vampire Weekend song about it is great though, love it.